i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You've changed since you got that strap on
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
