Duck Duck Cougar?
Welp...herpes.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
