i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize