I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Randomize
