big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
