Don't you send me to vm
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
