I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
