I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
