It's Friday. Sex?
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
