Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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