did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
