i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
