The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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