I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
