Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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