five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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