you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
