I feel like abortions should bother me more
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
