i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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