I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
