Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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