last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
