dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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