ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
