Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
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