um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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