No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
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