Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize