i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
