so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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