Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
