Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize