I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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