my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
