I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
