I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
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