You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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