party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
