I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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