do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize