FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
