Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
