What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
