are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
