he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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