Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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