My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Randomize
