Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
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