$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
