belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
