what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
