Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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