Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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