where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
