I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
