i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
