Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
