i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
