When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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