hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
