Your face is a jimmy john
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
