You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
