I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
