I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
