Well douche your snatch and let's go!
We're like a lot better than the average bears
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
