I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
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