I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
