I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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