and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize