that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Randomize
