his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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